Family. Legacy. Lost.

 Listening to my Spotify playlist, as happens daily, and a great song popped up reminding me of what I need to add here. 

Quick catch up on the situation here. Grandma died in 2013 while we were renting her home. Dad and my cousin inherited the home. We agree, verbally, that we are buying it for $60k. Here we are at what should be the last ten months of payments and we're told by those two that we were only renting for the past decade and we need a bank loan and contract within 45 days. We've paid $57,500 of the $60,000 at this point. 

This leads me to put on paper what I told my dad last October before I stopped speaking to him - The family believes I only exist to give them money. 

I hate seeing the future and knowing what lies ahead, it's a dreadful ability that has been a part of my entire life. 

So here we are, trying to secure a loan on a decent credit score for a home that hasn't really been maintained in any manner since it was built in 1960. Foundation, roof, furnace... you know the biggest hassles need replaced or heavily repaired. 

Back to that song- the title says it all, The Greatest Generation. Grandpa Thomas, and his father, Edgar were  lifelong railroad men. Hard working, honest, driven providers. They weren't saints or even close to perfect in any manner, but they did what was expected and kept everyone fed, clothed, and safe.

Then there's my dad- he hasn't held a consistent job since the 1970s at Zenith. He allowed his family to be evicted from multiple childhood homes because he wasn't going to work like men are expected to do. Now this turkey is trying to evict my family from a home that was GIVEN to him. 

BTW, here's the song.

The Greatest Generation

 Song by All That Remains

 

If you been wondering
Just what has made us grow
A generation hard as stone
My father's father, may God rest his soul
He taught me something you should know

You put your shoulder to the wheel
You put your nose to the grindstone
You work your fingers straight to the bone

I won't, won't let 'em leave us, a generation
I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us
Selfless, relentless, don't let their memory fade away
No, I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us

Remember what made us great
Now's the time to
Remember what made us great

They dug and shaped the earth,
And with their hands gave birth
To all the modern wonders that you see
They worked from dawn till dusk
They did it all for us
If we take one thing from them it should be

You put your shoulder to the wheel
You put your nose to the grindstone
You work your fingers straight to the bone

I won't, won't let 'em leave us, a generation
I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us
Selfless, relentless, don't let their memory fade away
No, I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us

I am forever grateful
I am the man I am today
I am forever grateful
For your hand in making me this way (don't leave us)

Remember what made us great (now is the time to)
Remember what made us great

Remember what made us great (now is the time to)
Remember what made us great

I won't, won't let 'em leave us, a generation
I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us

I won't, won't let 'em leave us, a generation
I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us
Selfless, relentless, don't let their memory fade away
No, I won't, won't let 'em leave us, don't leave us

Remember what made us great (now is the time to)
Remember what made us great

Stigma.

 

 

 

There are so many things that bring a stigma into the area and life of people. 

    I'm focusing upon suicide in this discussion, perhaps I'll reach into the darkness and talk more on others at a later time.Suicide isn't something I believe most people consider, plan, pursue, or even contemplate in their lives. For some though, it is a continuously reoccurring thought and theme throughout times during their lives. Suicide affects everyone. The victim, their circles- whether family, friends, coworkers, gamer buds.. whatever the link the victim is striking out at their own support structures.

Support structures? Well, that should be the very same list of folks I mentioned above (fam, friends, coworkers, etc) but often these same ones do not provide support when interacting with the victim. 

I cannot number the times I've reached out to those groups and asked for help, maybe not in so many words, but with actions and looks and tones and clues. 

The times I've been blatantly ignored are too many to understand. The trend of TikTok posts about Why Do Men Not Reach Out For Help is met by most male replies with the same mentioned responses. No one will listen. No one wants to help. No one gives a single shit about others. This is why men take the exit to existence into their own hands.

I'm pretty certain no one ever reads this and frankly, it fucking doesn't matter. These words are for me and just here as a way to stop the tears and unload fears and memories of my life. 

A friend recently connected me to a song that was ignored by me, Given To Fly by Pearl Jam. 

FUCK. Powerful. 

Well, I'll close out here with the passage that means what it means. 

well, fuckers
He still stands.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckkkk

Just so damn irritated right now. Like nothing ever improves. Ever. Fuck.

Gamer pal loses his dog.

A Twitch streamer I watch often lost one of his dogs today. The little fellow was a tad homely and had a disorder requiring special things.. he was part of my pal's family for nearly four years. The dog was featured on and off stream during the past two years and very featured on this guy's Instagram.

I've never really had a dog.. allergies, ya know... but this is one loss that really hit me hard.

Frankie wasn't the smartest, fastest, sturdiest dog you'd ever find.. but he was pure heart. Thanks for being part of my world, even if it was purely digital...


https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HzWVRB2en/

Uncle Rex

Just living inside my melon listening to music and my late Uncle Rex came to mind. He died from AIDS in 2004, he was a local song writer and worked for Sony Pictures around the time I graduated high school.. he supplied prerelase copies of some current movies and we enjoyed them at Project Graduation!

Anyways.. Rex was very talented, very kind, and very gay. I didn't know it back when spending so much time with him during his college years at SMSU. He graduated in '80 and kept making music. Eventually he moved to North Hollywood and worked his way into the scene and music industry. His record label name was SexyRexy and his songs are still on record with BMI.

Rollercoaster of emotions tonight as those happy times flooded my mind, the end of the '70s and early '80s were some of my most formative years. Rex and dad played music together often and rolled in the same local music scene circles. I think Rex helped dad realize whatever parts of his dream that he did realize in the music world.

Wish I could have spent more time with Rex as I got older, his influence would have greatly improved my overall attitude and I still smile when thinking of him and that infectious smile of his.

He was the first openly gay man in my life, and I think his younger brother has never come out but everyone knows of his choices and we love them both for being themselves.

Just felt the need to share this little stuff and I should use the blog more often to keep these memories and stories alive.


With love-
   Daddy Skunk

Almost an Eagle

Howdy all,

Just wanted to share this for posterity, being unsure who reads or doesn't read this means no names on this one but they'll surely know who they are if their paths should ever lead here.

One of my former Cub Scouts completed his Eagle Scout Project today. I'm impressed and happy for him to continue in a long line of capable young men.

My only regret is I never heard one word or saw one post about the event. I've known the family for over three decades and guess I'm far enough removed that none thought to invite the old Den Leader to come and lend a hand to a worthy project.

Just goes to show you, that even if you were important at one point in someone's life, you may not even warrant an email in the future.

Stay Frosty and keep each other in your prayers.

-Daddy Skunk

For as long as I can remember, reading and hearing stories bigger than me have always drawn my full energy.

Be it Peter Pan, Don Quixote, White Fang, stories of ancient gods, knights, pirates, whatever- they all draw me into their worlds.

Later it became radio, then movies, and then video games.

Posted a tweet very late last night and it drew only one person's attention and even then they didn't see the message contained within...

I've got to stop staying up so late, it really seems to distract my mind into darkness and brings windmills into my world.


Stay Frosty my friends and keep your eyes open, we're about to have a nasty band of storms come through our area.